


alleyway

by orphan_account



Series: ryan smokes weed but matt hasnt and it's dumb [2]
Category: supermega
Genre: Kissing, M/M, Smoking, me being stupider, smoking weed, this is such a mess lmao sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 12:04:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18872854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Anywhere,” Ryan spoke softly, barely audible over the music, his smile growing. Matt scrunched up his nose, feeling shivers down his spine as he thought to himself.





	alleyway

**Author's Note:**

> hi imreallydumbok i legit have never kissed or smoked weed so cut me some slack why did i make this series

“So, his name is Ryan?”, Ross brought his cup to his lips, having them rest on the brim as steam floated upwards. Matt nodded his head, cleaning his glasses with his shirt, wiggling his toes in his socks. “And you smoked with him?”, Ross took a sip of his coffee after he spoke, watching Matt carefully.

“I was stupid, I know this,” Matt placed his glasses on his face, adjusting them. 

“Well, I’m not going to say you smoking is stupid, but you doing it with a stranger is,” Ross chuckled, taking another sip, shaking his head lightly. Matt forced a laugh, moving from wiggling his toes to tapping his feet to a nonexistent rhythm. Ross shifted his gaze all over Matt’s face, desperate to read his thoughts. Matt flashed his eyes over to Ross’s, feeling his stomach swirl with anxiety, debating with his thoughts in his head. “Matt…,” Ross started, “What else did you do?”

Chewing on his lip, Matt weakly smiled at his roommate, a blush traveling up his neck. “I might of,” he began, covering his face with his hands, resting his elbows on his knees, “had sex with him.”

Ross froze, blinking rapidly, gently placing his cup down. Matt tried not to smile, nerves and happiness bubbling up thinking of Ryan, embarrassment diminishing the longer Ross stayed quiet. Removing his hands, he peaked over at Ross, his face still frozen. Realization hit Matt as he kept his breathing steady, his heart beating out of his chest as Ross slowly knitted his eyebrows, gradually regretting his decision. “I’m not judging you,” Ross drawled as he looked at Matt’s frown, “it just isn’t like you at all.”

Nodding, Matt felt his stomach steadily climb its way up to his chest, his emotions progressively overwhelming him. His face burning hot, Matt looked down at his feet, feeling his glasses slipping a bit downwards. He felt like he was a child, lying to a parent, his mistakes stacking on top of each other.

Hearing a vibration, Matt froze, his thoughts filling up with Ryan. Inhaling through his nose, he shot the air out of his mouth, reaching out to take his phone off the table. He held it for a while, twirling it around his fingers. Matt took note on how small it looked in his hand, swiping to open it.

_Ryan : ‘hey cutie’_

Sucking in his lips, Matt attempted to not break out in a blinding grin in front of Ross, his feet tapping quicker. He felt his brain spin in his head, like he was on a roundabout for hours straight. He felt dizzy, his heart beating faster, unable to stop his smile as he typed. Typing and erasing, typing and erasing, Matt tried to find how to respond, biting down on his tongue. He wanted to seem relaxed, like he was worth Ryan’s time. 

_Matt : ‘Hi’_

_Ryan : ‘all that typing for hi?’_

_Matt : ‘I got too flustered ok’_

_Ryan : ‘what else makes you flustered that i havent figured out yet?’_

Crossing his ankles, Matt spun his hovering thumbs in circles, biting down harder. Faintly hearing Ross get up, Matt brought his feet up on his seat, thinking of something but immediately shutting it down. Gulping, Matt scrunched up his face, making a low noise as he tapped his screen. 

_Matt : ‘You’ll just have to find out ;)’_

Turning his phone off, he threw it onto the table, moving his knees to his chest to form himself into a ball. Resting his forehead on his knees, impatiently waiting for his phone to buzz again, Matt felt his heartbeat in his throat. One-two. Three-four. Matt counted, pacing his breathing to the numbers, imagining what Ryan would say. He felt sick, oblivious to the reason he texted him that, twisting his face in different faces.

Buzz.

Matt closed his eyes as he smiled, feeling like an idiot for how happy he was. Giggling slightly too loud, Matt grabbed his phone, hearing Ross laugh in the background. Matt turned his head a bit, reading the message.

_Ryan : ‘fancy hanging out again later this week?’_

Gnawing on his lip, Matt glanced at Ross’s direction, seeing he is no longer in the room. Turning his head back to the front, Matt stared at the walls, replaying his schedule in his thoughts. He didn’t know how desperate he felt for Ryan until he realized how he already missed him, even though they saw one another that morning. Matt tried to justify it, bringing up the facts he did not have many friends, or romantic interests, or anyone really. Pouting, he kept staring at the wall, completely forgetting everything for a moment.

Buzz.

“Shit,” Matt audibly said, immediately opening his phone, ignoring Ross’ call from his room. 

_Ryan : ‘just gonna leave me on read’_

_Matt : ‘Nah’_

_Matt : ‘Is tomorrow too soon?’_

_Matt : ‘If it is that’s totally fine’_

_Matt : ‘Just I have no classes tomorrow so it’d be perfect but y'know’_

Grinding his teeth, Matt stopped himself from spamming, nerves building in his chest. His heart raced as the three bubbles popped up, clenching his jaw, wondering if he was being annoying. Who Ryan is as a person was something Matt was oblivious to him, not entirely sure how to text or how to talk. Seeing the text pop up, Matt tried to calm down, taking in a deep breath.

_Ryan : ‘hows tomorrow at 6? i have work until 4 and i need an hour to relax and shit’_

_Matt : ‘Where should I meet you?’_

_Ryan : ‘hmmm’_

_Ryan : ‘how bout my place and then we can explore some shit’_

Scrunching his eyebrows, Matt typed out a response, erasing it directly after. He sat for a second, sucking in his bottom lip until the inside of his mouth hurt. Attempting another text, he sent without realizing, his eyes blown out wide. 

_Matt : ‘Sounds good’_

_Matt : ‘Where do you live again?’_

Racking his brain, Matt backtracked his journey from the morning, only remembering the look but not the address of the apartments. As Ryan’s bubbles appeared on his screen, Matt stared at the walls again, feeling himself tighten. He shakily took in a breath through his mouth, feeling his phone vibrate in his hand, refusing to look down. His eyes flickering over the paintings and decoration in his apartment, he breathed in harder, lost in his own void. He needed to stop and think for a second.

Matt did his best not to cry; he couldn’t comprehend why he was breaking down again. Squeezing his eyes shut, he inhaled through his nose, out through his mouth. Feeling his throat shut from dryness, he shakily spoke, “Ross?” 

Silence.

In, out; he tried to relax. “Ross?”, he tried again, a tiny bit louder.

Soft, socked feet hitting the wooden floor, Matt’s ears perking up as he chokes on his saliva. Matt counts Ross’ footsteps; one, two, one, two. He opens his eyes slightly, blinking them fully open when he noticed Ross at his side. He weakly smiled, his lips turning it to a frown, letting out a dry sob. Instantly, Ross wrapped his arms around Matt as tears began to fall. Not a single word was uttered.

\------

Ruffling up his hair, Matt watched the water drip off his hair down to his bare chest, sliding down to his towel. Matt leaned against the sink, his hands gripping the counter tightly, sighing. He stared into his eyes, making sure to only look there. He sucked his teeth, his disorganized thoughts causing him to choke up. Blinking, he sighed once again, placing his elbows on the sink, his face in his hands. Water slid down his hands, the cool air sending him chills. Matt didn’t know what to do with himself.

Eventually hearing his alarm go off in the other room, Matt rushed out, trying to dry off quickly. His heart beating fast, he hesitated getting dressed, unsure on what to wear, what to do. Groaning out loud, Matt paced around his room, planning his outfit in his head. He wanted to look good for Ryan, his anxiety spiking about Ryan thinking he looked uglier than he did before. 

His anxiety took over his thoughts, his chest moving up and down quickly. Matt felt fingers twitching as he glanced around his room, his brain screaming at him. There was no time to panic, there was no reason why Ryan would find him ugly now that he’s seen all of him, there was no reason. Swearing, he grabbed a striped button up and some jeans, rushing around his room. 

Attempting to dry his hair, he combed it out, walking out to the kitchen. Ross smiled at him, rubbing his shoulder, as Matt passed him. A warm smile formed on Matt’s lips, feeling the same intensity in his heart. He truly did appreciate him; after all the tiny to big things he’s done for him, he means a lot to him. Grinning wider, Matt walked back to him, giving him a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered into Ross’ shoulder.

“For what?”, Ross chuckled, wrapping his arm around Matt’s torso, squeezing him into his chest. Sighing, Matt felt like crying, wanting to ramble on and on about how much he loves him. 

“Just, being there. Being here for me, everything you’ve done for me. Even when I was a whiny bitch, you never truly got angry at me. I just, I love you a lot and I’m so happy we’re friends. Sorry for being mushy,” Matt brought himself closer to Ross’s heat, hoping the tears welling up in his eyes wouldn’t fall.

Ross hugged him tighter.

“I love you too, you emotional mess,” Ross was rubbing his shoulder, Matt smiling while twirling the string from Ross’s shirt. Pulling him extremely close, Ross squeezed Matt, letting him go after a long delay. 

They stood in front of each other, bright smiles, Ross reaching out his hand for Matt’s shoulder. He rubbed his thumb into the fabric, his smile unbelievably soft. “Go have fun, ok? And make sure to tell me if you’re not coming home, I don’t want gray hairs,” Ross gently spoke, staring into Matt’s eyes. The corners of Matt’s mouth went higher, himself slightly swaying. He nodded, immediately seeing Ross grinning wider, patting his shoulder. 

\------

As Matt walked towards Ryan’s apartment, he twiddled with his fingers, pulling on his fingernails that were growing a little too long. He breathed in through his nose, out his mouth, hoping it would calm his racing heart. He had read somewhere that breathing like that is how your body circulates. 

Blinking as he suddenly felt dizzy, he steadied himself against a lamppost, unable to stop his feet from moving. Matt looked around his surroundings, feeling his head spin. He stumbled over his shoes, his feet feeling heavy, his hands constantly out to try to stable himself. 

Smiling up at the sky, he felt his eyes shift, trying to focus on everything. The bright colors, the loud noise, the sharp smells. He inhaled, reaching the large building, heading up to Ryan’s apartment. He stood still in the elevator, leaning against the walls of the moving room. Matt closed his eyes, hearing the doors open with more people getting in. Feeling his pulse all around his body, he walked out the doors.

He swallowed thickly, rapidly blinking, his smile not faltering. He was excited, beyond ecstatic, trotting to Ryan’s apartment. He knocked on the door, his hands behind his back as he bounced on his heels. Matt waited, hearing someone scurrying inside, causing him to smile brighter. He closed eyes, taking in every sense, feeling himself floating, lost in his thoughts. 

Ryan opened the door. Matt opened his eyes quickly, staring at the man in front of him. His hair was pushed behind his ears, an award-winning smile on his face, his eyes looking Matt up and down. He somehow smiled wider. “Hi,” Ryan spoke clearly, breaking through Matt’s brain, finding a nice place to settle.

It felt like he could breathe.

“Hi,” Matt was breathless, his fingers twitching as he stopped bouncing, everything coming to a halt. His eyes flickered to Ryan’s lips, guiding them across his cheekbones, back up to his eyes. Stepping out of the doorway, Ryan held the door wider for Matt.

He stood still, a goofy grin on his face, his fingers twitching more as he stared at him. Ryan opened his mouth to say something, stopping himself as Matt inched closer, his fingers resting themselves of Ryan’s shirt. Tilting his head down, he softly kissed him, his excitement mixing with anxiety like red and orange. They swirled in his head, around Ryan, creating a feeling Matt hasn’t felt in a long time. He felt his energy lower, fingers traveling up the sides of Ryan, smiling. 

Ryan grabbed his waist, engulfing himself in the kiss, pulling Matt away from the door before closing it. Matt continued to smile through the kiss, feeling Ryan’s hands on his lower back, pressing him closer. Matt moved his hands back down to Ryan’s hips, moving the thin fabric between his fingers.

This time, the kisses seemed peaceful and warm, nothing but something pure. Pulling away for air, Ryan looked at him, his smile welcoming and gentle, swaying them side to side. Matt closed his eyes once again, this time letting himself feel relaxed. He let himself loosen up in Ryan’s arms, let himself sway, let himself feel something truly pleasant.

They stayed like that for a while, enjoying being with the other like they’ve known each other since forever. Matt sighed, reopening his eyes to have brown ones gazing back, curious and loving. Matt smiled, tilting his head a little to the side, hearing Ryan chuckle at him. Before Matt could think, Ryan’s lips were back on his, his body heating up with warmth. 

“We didn’t get to properly know each other,” Ryan eventually said after they finished kissing, his tone light and lips curving perfectly over his words. Matt felt his wrist dragging him to the couch, blindly following, remembering his environment fully. Sitting beside each other, Matt shook his leg discreetly, his nerves building up again. 

Ryan delicately placed his hand on his shaky leg, smiling with so much assurance that Matt felt like choking. “What would you like to know?”

\------

Matt doesn’t remember how it happened, but he wasn’t complaining. He was high off his mind, slightly spinning around in front of Ryan who was blowing puffs into the air. He giggled, humming along to music playing in the background, periodically losing his footing. Matt closed his eyes, hugging himself, hearing Ryan stand up and sensing him somewhere around him. 

As Matt smiled, slightly chapped lips touched his neck, innocent kisses moving up his neck and jaw, to his lips. Firm hands were placed on his waist, his whole body burning up. He felt like he was set on fire, his lips curling wider, opening his eyes when Ryan pulled away. Ryan took another hit, blowing it into Matt’s mouth, laughing right afterwards. 

Matt breathed in the smoke, light on his feet, dancing to the chill music. Ryan danced with him, breathing in deeply before quickly letting the air out. Matt watched him, smiling with something soft behind his eyes, swaying his hips to the music. It felt, ethereal, Ryan standing in front of him in a dimly lit room, his smile brightening up his area. Matt’s heart sung for Ryan, sung for him to come closer, his heart desperate for more than who he was himself. 

“Wanna go now?”, Ryan tapped his blunt, his teeth showing as he stepped closer.

“Where?”, Matt questioned, his body warm.

“Anywhere,” Ryan spoke softly, barely audible over the music, his smile growing. Matt scrunched up his nose, feeling shivers down his spine as he thought to himself. Before he could respond, Ryan grabbed both of his hands, leading out of his apartment. A grin stayed on his face all the way down the elevator, out the lobby, and into the city. 

Staying attached at the hip, they twirled and stared at the shops they passed by, making a big deal over nothing too special. Matt squeezed Ryan’s hand every once and a while, laughing every time he looked over at him, his smile dopey. The sun had already set hours ago, but walking in the night didn’t scare Matt; he felt calm and peaceful, like being with Ryan made him feel safe.

Ending up in an alleyway, Matt laughed as he stood in the middle of it, Ryan circling him with laughter, like someone in an art gallery looking at a sculpture. Putting his hand out to stop him, Ryan grinned, bringing Matt’s head down to properly kiss him. Their lips pressed together tenderly, Matt sighed dreamily, his hands resting on Ryan’s chest. His mind sparked like a firecracker, his brain exploding colors of pink and blue, getting completely absorbed by Ryan. 

His lips parting a tiny bit, Ryan took the chance to lick into his mouth, his arms keeping Matt steady as he teetered. Matt felt like falling, he truly did. It felt like it was everything and more, being in Ryan’s arms, his kiss so sweet and caring, like he was important to him. Maybe he was, but Matt didn’t care that there was a chance he wasn’t. Ryan was someone he truly wanted to know and be with, whether kissing gentle but harshly, or fucking until Matt could barely remember his name.

Matt smiled, grabbing tightly on the thin fabric of Ryan’s shirt, feeling steady.

**Author's Note:**

> me : lives in LA my whole life  
> also me : doesnt ANYTHING about it cause i NEVER leave my HOUSE  
> anyways my style of writing might have changed half way through cause i went to a psych hospital then read a 55k fic and got i n s p i r e d so my brain is all wonky rn lol hope yall enjoyed anyways


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